Maid Of Athens

Ere We Part

B

CAST

3 Maids of Athens 

Mother of the House

Lord Byron

J.C. Hobhouse

B

Scene 1

 

1810 -  a shady lemony courtyard in Athens

 

M: You are most welcome English milord and his little friend (curtseys) - do you enjoy lemons?

H: Why, deucedly!  

B: What a charming pensione - can we knock that wall through?

M: I can't say - if it is a supporting wall - it may cause structural defects and demolish my entire dwelling

H: My good woman - as the wife of a deceased Englishman - you must understand his Lordship and I, of an evening, require a cavernous dark room, and cigars - and brandy - and perhaps a side entrance (inspects doorways)

B: Shush Hobby! good god man (to M) - we are of course willing to pay for the sledgehammer and any other required materials  

M: In that case - the transaction is acceptable (turns to the table) Lemonade, gentlemen?

 

H & B drink a skin-full

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B(to Hobby): That timberheaded Fletcher has returned to one of his wives - and his beef cheeks - and pork pies - hence, we must get our fine tapered fingers dirty - to work!! - step aside my good landlady, you will not take offence at our stripping to the waist to engage in this heavy labour?

M: But I have daughters - three - all as innocent as milk-white lambs!

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The Grecian beauties wave from behind the aromatic plants at their window

 

H & B: Zounds!

H(smooths peruke): Ahem, I have a double first in Semantics and Pedantics from a notable university

B(thumps H): Oh give me back that sledgehammer, you lumbering lothario! Greece is paradise (breathes deep) - I suspect the air will make me a poet yet - and is rotten with wild eyes like the roe

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Mother eyes Byron’s gold-tasselled regimentals

 

M: Well, not really - rare is the soft cheeks’ blooming tinge, tresses unconfined - never mind the zone-encircled waist

B (piqued): You don’t say so - do many such divinities exist? - and how tightly are they laced?

M: You might have to wait for the Ægean wind - wooing has a minimum success rate at 42 ºC in the shade 

H: We’ll bathe!

B (guffaws excessively): For you, my crusty friend, I'd suggest the sledgehammer and a lathe (to M) - I shall require bathing apparatus - salts, sponges, fine soap

M: As you say Milord - we will take our family repast at eve - when the lemons are on the wane - you will join us, yes?

H: Yes! - er, most certainly

B: With pleasure - please ensure there is a marked sufficiency of vinegar at table, if you would, please Madam

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M bows - her eyes still on B's gold tassels​​

B

Scene 2

 

The table is covered in fine dining apparatus

 

H: Bumpers to you mine host - such witchery! such fragrance - how it stirs the passions!

M(smiles): Please sit - my daughters will bring great platters of our unique cuisine, influenced by the Cosmopolitan environment we have here in Athens

 

Mother claps hands - the three divinities enter the room

 

H & B (impressed): Zoë mou, sas agapo!!

M(pleased): Eat, do, whatever you enjoy - did I mention my husband was an Englishman - Consul Macree  - was awfully fond of Brown Sauce and pots of fermented Barley?

B: That’ll do me - oh, and some fish - take back the rest!

H: That Moussaka I long to taste!

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Kattinka Macree bows - and eyes the lads with lids whose jetty fringes takes them quite aback

 

M(to B): Ah! Love is alternate joy and woe - isn’t it though?

B: Somewhat (gnawing fishbone)

H: Can your charmers dance, Madam? I am a great admirer of native customs, frocks (M proffers another gallon of wine) oh, no - thank you - unlike his Lordship, I am not a bottomless drinker

M: In sooth, to travellers may daughters are famed as “les Consulines" or  “les trois Graces" - (claps) Teresa, Mariana, Kattinka!!

T, M & K: Yes Mama?

M: Clear the table my doves - and we will get to know the nice Englishmen

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Daughters clear table, bring great baskets of flowers and little golden cups of coffee​

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B

Scene 3

Playing, singing and twirling by the three stunners has H&B dying with love

 

H: Zounds - such a display beats the Waltz hollow!

B: The Waltz is obscene - should be banned - this (holds up arms) this! - is life!

M: How good of you to say so, my Lord - I almost feel you belong here - plus, a tan would do you no harm at all

B: A sunburn? (drifts tangentially) - I'd have to reconfigure my entire wardrobe - it would certainly diminish the power of my underlook (refocuses) Athens holds my heart and soul - can I cease to love thee - the town that is - No!

T, M & K: Will that be all Mama?

B: Ah! What words can never speak so well than eyes as black as sloe!

 

Daughters seem confused,  jetty fringes fluttering

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M: Take no offense - they need English lessons - or English husbands peut-être?

H: As previously mentioned, my good woman, I have a proper degree - from a fine old University - perhaps I may be of assistance?

M(eyeing H’s non-gold-epauletted jacket): Appreciated - but I feel their grasp of punctuation and fine handwriting would be better served by Milord (to B) - you could offer me, say, 500 of your English pounds to teach them?

B(gazing at the divinities): Pay? - You?! I owe about 30k back home!! Mother is fit to derange me! - No - but I shall write a pretty, throwaway Ode to one of the Maids - which will live through aeons - despite much better things I shall later write whilst on varied literary crusades

 

H & B get up to leave, kiss the hands of Mother, salute the Divinities

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M(sighs): So be it - but give, oh, give me back my sledgehammer!

H: We’re off - flying to Istambol - a thousand thanks (bows indistinctly)

B(to girls): Think of me, my γλυκά κορίτσια - when alone!

 

Mother and Divinities wave and weep, for a bit

 

H & B(waving): Zoë mou, sas agapo!

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B

END