Reply To Some Verses Of J.M.B. Pigot

On The Cruelty Of His Mistress

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 Cast

Lord Byron - Comforter of the Inexperienced

John Pigot – Medical student in love

Elizabeth Pigot – Esteemed sister of same

Coquette – a lady of French origin

 

  F

 

SCENE 1

 

B: Why Pigot complain of this damsel’s disdain - why thus in despair do you fret?

JP: She’ll have nothing to do with me until I’m fully qualified – with my own thriving practice

B: For years you may try - yet, believe me - a sigh, sans significant future prospects, will never obtain Coquette – is she French? – be damned – rascally language – claimed my Sire – a Gallant of the first order (pouts)

JP: What? – she is a player – she seems to believe my homage a debt

B (whispers with care): I have a damned good cure my friend; would you teach her to love? – it’s a swiz once you know how – firstly - for a time seem to rove..

JP: Gentleman do not behave in such a manner – Elizabeth would never be able to find a husband if I behaved like a London lobby lounger

B: It is your best chance, my friend - if you sincerely want this Coquette piece 

JP: er - I’m reconsidering, nay, wavering

B: You’ll get over that - now - at first she may frown in a pet - but leave her awhile - she shortly will smile – and then, OONS!! -  you may kiss your Coquette

JP: I remain unconvinced that any of the sex, no matter how fair, could so readily have faith in such manoeuvres

B (sitting in a tree eating an apple): It is all part of the dance of the little death and must be endured

Pigot: No (it’s a determined one) – I will waste no more of my youth on her frowns and pets, the airs of the fanciful fair (spies a roundel of village girls in red coats) – NO! it is set –  not until I have established myself as a bonesetter  in the Outer Hebrides, will I contemplate acquiring a wife

 

B jumps down from the tree with the grace of a harlequin, puffs  his chest - and would stretch his braces, but they’re a bit too comfortable

 

B: For me, I adore some twenty or more, and love them most dearly but yet though my heart they enthral, I’d abandon them all did they act like your rakish Coquette.

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F

 

SCENE 2

 

C catches up with JP & B lounging on the cricket pitch – they don’t rise

 

C: Hallo Mr. Piglet, how are you today – this, it is a nice field

JP: Oh, yes, I see you there Coquette – would you care to be our bowler?

C: Who is that friend you have, lounging with such nonchalant ease?

JP: My friend - Lord Byron – a man of immense estates – (cocks a snook at C) though lacking ready cash - and the family jewels are in the pawn -  to be sure

C: Allo Lord (waves – B continues in his task of getting a decent shine on the cricket ball)

C: (seeing that Gentlemen are thin on the ground at this moment) I regret to tell you John, that your partial neglect indeed took an effect, and humbled the proudest Coquette (sits on grass)

 

B & JP exchange glances

 

JP: (smirking) Winning quality that – humility – winning, eh what Byron?

 

Byron looks up to agree – sees Coquette, with unnaturally tiny hands and fairy feet and auburn hair cascading freely down her back in a more Continental arrangement than would usually be found amongst the ladies of Southwell

 

B: Ahem (flutters eyelashes and knocks his voice down a good octave) I have a goodly amount of French Ancestry – Normans you know – do you know any Normans, Mademoiselle Coquette? – no – they are very much an elite, aloof department of old society – old – would you like a curl of my hair?

C: John, some other medical Adonis has melted my fire – an Eye, Ear & Throat Surgeon with a coach and four

B (mystified): If you will permit – is this of a long acquittance?

C: No, I’ve had a couple of Englishmen on the go – he was the first that didn’t pull that switcheroo -tsk - what amateurs in the game of love – and marriage - tsk! pfff

JP (stricken): Byron!! You unspeakable cad!! (snatches cricket ball) I will have satisfaction, sir

B (guffaws): Cool your boots, dissemble your pain, and lengthen your chain (aside) – ‘tis but a commonplace ruse

C: It is not from false pride your pangs I deride, Monsieur Pigot - this whimsical virgin will not forget you playing silly games

JP (glowering at B): And your advice  - to laugh at little Coquette?!! The London-based frequenter of love?! (Pigot is pacing with rage)

B (nonplussed): Fact is – friend of my quietude – I have very little experience of the French – excepting some particularly fine ballarinas (loses concentration)

C: My vacance is over – I must depart – adieu John Pigot – I shall never cease to laugh at your overtures (blows kiss, saucily)

 

 

F

 

SCENE 3

Back at chez Pigot

 

EP: My dear Brother – what ails you?

JP: That rosy Coquette?

EP: I recall

JP: Our ex-bosom chum, that Lord Byron, as he styles himself…

EP: John! Do not talk of our betters in such a manner! – they who made better use of common land by enclosure in order that we all may admire their parks, ponds etc. on a day out

JP: Well, I…I think I challenged him somewhat (EP drops her note book and watercolours)… he will not act – he too is a man of passion where the fair ones are concerned. Anyway - back to my bleeding heart – my blooming Coquette is to be married! She derided my pangs Elizabeth!! (sobs)

 

Enter B – smiling like the gates of Heaven, bows to the company

 

B: Elizabeth, my dear Bess – John, I have something for you (smiles, yet again blinding the siblings)

EP: Whisht awhile Byron – John is not in possession of fine firearms – an Indian sword from my ex-betrothed is about it  - in terms of defence

B: What? – (laughs, again) – zounds!! That I could in anyway fire upon my friend? – although a quack in training would be an admirable target

JP (brow decontracts): Thanks – although my Coquette has broken through her slight-woven net – because of your lousy advice – I would not like to be on the receiving end of your Mantons

B: Quite right – I can see your deep-wounded heart is incensed by the smart

EP: He’s in an awful state

B: To restore your good opinion of me, my title, and talents – which I appreciate the encouragement of by yourself and my good Queen Bess – I have bought you a gift

 

Coquette appears at the door

 

JP: By my thunder!!

B: You doubted me – my country pickle! Ha!

 

B leads Coquette in by her very tiny white fairy hand

 

C: I was but quizzing you my Piglet – which Lord says makes me as evil as the local girls around here – I wanted to teach you how to love – and stop faffing around like all Englishmen

B: Away with despair, Pigot - no longer forbear to fly from the captious Coquette!!

 

B reaches for some Mead

 

B: We shall raise our glasses to Pigot and Coquette!!  - Will we not Miss Pigot?

EP: We must – to peace between England and France!

JP & C: And to the Outer Hebrides!

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F

 

END