(circuitous)

Epistle to

Mr. Murray

 

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Cast

Lord Byron 

John Murray II

JC Hobhouse 

PB Shelley

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SCENE 1

Byron in Venice, 1818 - relaxing with a fish supper after an exhausting stretch of scribbling and masking

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B: What am I supposed to drink with fish, Hobhouse – eh - what?

H: Neat Gin I’d imagine – I wouldn’t chance the eau in this place – now, to business Byron – Murray demands your ultimate Canto – is the damned thing ready?

B: Oh that? ‘Tis – but I am most probably done with my Pilgrim

H: Although a sign of moving on -  and therefore psychologically healthy – one must never say never, oh noble Imp of Fame!

B: What did you call me? Shabby fellow! I'll get you for that

H(whimpers): It's this palazzo! I must leave these seductive Italian colour schemes, sumptuous beds, sophas and housemaids - so very different to dear Wimbledon - and which are, one imagines, draining your purse

B: You think?! – my landlady is oft in her attic, which deucedly compromises my affairs, the gondola is my own – but for the rest – I am nearly as land-poor as I ever was – which is saying something as I no longer have any land at all

H: Keep a close eye on your sequins – don’t give everything up to carnal company or you’ll die in the poorhouse

B: Or your house

H: heh – now to Murray – he wants his damned Canto

B: It’s safe in your portmanteau

H: ‘Twould seem there are only our goodbyes left to complete..

 

H becomes tearful – B hands him a key to his Casino

 

H: Blast it all to hell Byron! I have no time for your whore-hold – I have a few more water works to inspect – anyway, addio my dear friend

 

H and B shake hands and turn their backs, with emotion

 

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SCENE 2

 

Shelley is paying Byron a visit – is impressed by the Palazzo, despite being a communist

 

B: Shelley – how well you look!

S (panics): Oh dear – do I? (runs to mirror – is temporarily lost in thought) – well, my Lord – business first – I also am being harassed by Murray

B: That fiend! What does the renegade want?

S: He is anxious for your ‘Beppo’

B: humph! Tell him – when copied, I’ll send it

S: He complains he has only Sotheby’s Tour..

B: No great things - to be sure­ (both guffaw)

S: The pompous rapscallion - who don’t speak Italian, nor French, must have scribbled by guess work (both now roaring)

B: He can make any loss up with ‘Spence’ and his gossip – a work which must surely succeed (clink glasses – despite Shelley abstaining from hard liquor)

B: All this deuced nonsense – he must be behind on his party contributions. He has a stable of hacks – he must not flog his blood horse – which would be me - to death!

S: I wouldn’t half mind being flogged to death (sinks in chair)

B (raises eyebrow): What now?

S: To be tormented by global success and intermittent correspondence from a Gentleman publisher..

B: In good time my dear Snake – for now, to succeed you must write to make people purchase and read. How about General Gordon – a fine subject

S: I detest military matters

B(shakes head): oons! – this is what comes from belonging to a sheep-rearing dynasty -  anyway – this fine man, who girded his sword on, to serve with a Muscovite master and help him to polish a nation so owlish - they thought shaving their beards a disaster!

 

B sees S still in a funk

 

B: Let’s go to the beach – you’ll feel better there – brains whizzing etc – you can see me soar like an eagle

S: Very well

 

B and S depart

 

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SCENE 3

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Breezy day on the Lido – all the horses in Venice belong to Byron and have fantastical saddles, bits etc. – Shelley has a surprisingly good seat considering his longing for death

 

S: You must – after we have communicated without fear along this lonely coast – give me a message to take back to Murray

B: I have many more pounds of flesh for him to feast upon – unless I get the Tertian again – but for now I need corn plasters and Macassar oil – incomparable – did you ever try it? – you have great hair if you’d get it dressed  – oh! and a couple of savage Bulldogs

S: He specifically warned me you’d make such outlandish, canker-y aristocratic demands

B: heh heh – the proper way to deal with the poor and shrewd man, good Snake – no – you may inform him that I’d conclude a compact without more delay  - and repeat to him “please, sir, to mention your pay” – it should provide deuced quality entertainment to watch him respond (laughs)

S: That your pen is still extant in Venice will be coinage to his ears

B: Now – temporal things done – would you like to witness the pageant of my bleeding heart?

S: Indeed – I’ll race you!

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The two poets pick up speed and disappear into the sea spray

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END

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