On The Change Of Masters at a 

Great Public School

 

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Cast

Lord Byron – Blackguard, just down from the mountains

Dr. Drury – Headmaster and animal trainer

Pomposus - New headmaster

Gang of impressionable Youths

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SCENE 1

 

D: Welcome indeed Dr. Pomposus– I hope you will not find your time with us too harrowing heh heh – what

P(sneering): Have no fear my good Doctor – the underfed, overbred brats will not get the better of me

D: Yes, well – they are quite sweet little chaps at heart – anyways – just mind that curly-headed monkey Georgie Byron

P: Byron huh? Boating chap? Killed someone in a brothel, no?

D: Not at all – really – great potential that young man – owing to his being related to Scots royalty, so his Mother informs me - often

 

Knock on door, a servant delivers a letter 

 

D(blushing): You may have to excuse me temporarily My dear Doctor – there seems to be some sort of societal breakdown in the common room – please help yourself to the medicinal Sherry

 

D exits, enters common room

 

D: I am shocked boys – shocked at threats of novel forms of violence!

B: As King – and out of respect for taking it easy on me – I feel it my duty to my subjects here (the boys shout ‘yay Byron’), and before we burn the school down, to ask why Probus has fill’d your magisterial throne?

D(confidentially): yes, well there is a teacher shortage – despite the fantastic holidays – but yes, he is of narrow brain, yet of a narrower soul and could well enact new-fangled rules and harsh control…

B: I KNEW IT!

 

Chorus - Burn, Burn, Burn!!!

 

B: All in good time! – to the matter at hand. Are us youth – really - as future rulers, rakes, and ruiners of ancient fortunes – to expect our school to emulate ancient Rome, when it was fast falling to disgrace, and hail a barbarian in Cæsar’s place?

D: You’ve been at your books young Byron – are you enjoying Gibbon? – fruit cake for your tea (smiles gently)

B: mmm (turns to subjects) this could be a complex negotiation – remain here – and don’t burn anything just yet – esp. not the bits of panelling with my name on them

 

B and D exit

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SCENE 2

 

D shows B into his rooms – P advances, scowling

 

P: Nothing serious - one hopes

D: Boys, tsk! – how incendiary they get! Nothing fruitcake can’t fix  - ay Byron?

B: It’s a strong negotiating position – (angrily to P) – who are you - you, degenerate! -  and what are you doing on my property?

P: Degenerate! – why you – (reaches for empty Sherry bottle)

D: Calm! Saints preserve us – have I not enough catastrophe to be dealing with! (to Byron) – this is your new Headmaster

B: HIM? Oh! I sense the same dire fate as attended Rome, Ill-fated Ida! (to D) – have him flayed, feathered, and sent downtown on a barge – that will appease my people – or you will soon stamp your doom

D: Damn me if you will Byron! Pardon the florid jargon (pulls himself up). Although future generations of Drury’s may bear your name – your behaviour at this moment is intolerable

B: Fruitcake on a plate, if you please - and a hefty slice for each of my comrades

P: What noisy nonsense! Expel the blackguard!

 

B flies at P

 

B: You will NOT govern, Pomposus! ( gasp from D)

 

B bites P’s ankles and pulls his nose, P struggles for the door

 

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SCENE 3

 

B stands on top of the whipping block in the common room, wearing P’s cap and gown

 

B: We’ve had a great day here (applause) – assurances have been put in place that Pomposus – unsurprisingly by no social virtue sway’d – has relayed - via the school nurse – that he will in future not mistake pedantry for learning’s laws – although he may well govern, sanction’d but by self applause

 

Children whoop and shout ‘Yay Byron’

 

B: To conclude, I’d just like to thank a few people – Dr. Drury (D demurs) – no, I couldn’t have instigated and then quelled a rebellion without fruitcake – a hand for the Doctor!

 

Round of applause

 

B: My crew - Clare, Dorset, Delawarre - thanks for being there and holding the matches - lastly, it’s up to us youth – Scions of the Nation – to ensure Ida is never lost to Fame!

 

Applause and cheers – D hands out cream buns and ale

 

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END